~ Embracing Me ~
Amazement within, can this really be me?
Amazement within, is it my reflection I see?
Amazement within, can I see beauty shine through?
Amazement within, is the face I see true?
I feel my face thinner with the touch of my hand,
but with a feeling of unbelief as my insecurities stand?
Cheeks no longer puffy with a rounded face and chin,
but is the mirror lying to me, just like I feel within?
Where is the face I longed to see disappear,
the layers and rolls that held me constrained in fear?
Beauty on the outer, is it alright for me to see it?
Beauty on the outer, should I keep what I see a secret?
Beauty on the outer, has made my spirit soar?
Beauty on the outer, has given me life as never before?
I feel my hands I know they are mine,
but with a feeling of detachment words simply can’t define?
Fingers now long and slender to see,
but I look in amazement, they don’t belong to me?
Where is the feeling of hands full of shape,
the layers of skin I’ve found so hard to escape?
Shedding the layers, is this new me forever?
Shedding the layers, how could life be any better?
Shedding the layers, is this vigor mine to retain?
Shedding the layers, can exuberance remain?
I feel my arms and legs no longer bulky and weak,
but with a feeling of astonishment that I am gaining what I seek?
Where is the weakness of legs so unstable,
the emotional blues from wearing the Big label?
Legs to be crossed, to be seated like a lady,
but I am unsure of what to wear, so everything is a maybe?
Embracing the new me, will it take a lot of time?
Embracing the new me, is this body really mine?
Embracing the new me, is it alright to love who I’ve become?
Embracing the new me, this cycle of shame I long to be done?
Written by Rebecca Rawson
Copyright © 2003
With 15 years of hindsight since I wrote this poem about weight loss, along with many more cycles of gaining and shedding, I have more than a few thoughts reflecting on this poem about self acceptance, disbelief and insecurity.
For now I’m going to let this poem stand on its own and follow up with some thoughts at a later time.