You know some days you really do have to laugh at yourself!
Especially when you are a teetotaler who is walking through the house more in the vein of a drunken sailor … Leaning against walls for stability while waltzing down the hallway, swaying side to side as if you are navigating the roll of a ship at high sea rather than a house on dry land.
You’ve got three choices, cry in utter despair, get angry and throw a tantrum or laugh to spite the dysfunctional chaos of your body. (Being human, I’ll confess to all three.)
In general, I say laugh!
It’s been a really hard slog the last six months, an increased flare in symptoms and dysfunction that began mid September 2018, a flare that just does not want to allow me to live my life.
I’ve effectively come to a standstill, everything has become far too exhausting from the endless effort required to push back against the will of a body determined to sabotage me for almost three decades.
Even minor things that were once so simple and pleasurable, are not so simple or pleasurable anymore.
Something as easy as having a conversation, the things I take pleasure in such as writing or researching genealogy and family history … They have all become frustratingly complicated and just too hard most of the time.
I mean honestly, you should see my draft folder for this blog, I haven’t been lacking topics to write about, and Part 2 of Exploring Traumatic Brain Injury, Whiplash and Progressive Illness has been well under way since I posted Part 1 back in November 2018. However, even posts as simple as this take up far more time in correction and re-reading than they ever did, the enormous effort it takes is draining to say the least.
It’s as if my cognitive function appears to have divided up into opposing teams. Teams to compete with one another in various combinations, instead of working together as they once did for the common good of allowing me to contribute to life with at least some sense of purpose.
(I can only hope this is just a prolonged flare and not the beginning of yet another “New Normal” … I have things to write, stories to tell and family histories to share!)
However! … In amongst all the exhaustion and all the chaos that one body and mind can throw at itself is the need to laugh heartily at it all, to spite it all.
Laughter in the playful teasing from my adult sons about the stuttering gibberish that falls out of my mouth and compels them to insist I would make a great Rap Artist or Comedian … Laughter in the loving jibes from my hubby, Daniel, that I have somehow invented my own language, and we’ll just call it “Beclish”.
Even the jokes I make about myself, de-evolving into a primate. Jokes and laughter as a distraction and at times to stem the flow of tears when my body chooses to throw a tantrum with disturbing spasms that cause me to involuntarily yelp in pain because I dared to even try to live my life.
We all need more than a tad bit of laughter in our lives.
Sometimes, that laughter is the only medicine reminding us of all the reasons to keep getting back up and pushing on with all our might, no matter how limited that might may feel at times.
And sometimes, finding the balance of laughter in amongst all the challenges, pain and embarrassment can be an extremely fragile balancing act, but an act well worth allowing to flow whenever the urge to laugh it out takes hold.