Nobody Knows

~ Nobody Knows ~

Nobody knows the loneliness in me,
nobody knows me enough to see.
The tears I cry from day to day,
they silently fall and fade away.

My heart it aches so deep and hard,
a feeling I long so much to discard.
I reach out in friendship to make a connection,
only to feel so much more a rejection.

A rejection that is known by me alone,
upholding my fears to others unknown.
My fear is of appearing foolish for you to see,
a great nagging fear that wont let me be.

I need to act proper, I need to act right,
if I say or do the wrong thing, its my desire take flight.
I want you to see me, to know who I am,
its so scary for me though, please be patient if you can.

Deep within this soul, this spirit of mine,
is a complex person one word can’t define.
I can be witty and funny, caring and sincere,
yet so overwhelming has been validation of my fear.

The part you don’t see is how flamboyant I can be,
I keep it well hidden, so it can’t make a fool of me.
Sometimes that part appears so boisterous and loud,
then I remember it shouldn’t, I need to act more proud.

On stage I used to let that part take over and run,
I certainly can’t deny that wonderful feeling of fun.
But once I stepped down, back off the stage,
I closed that book on every page.

It saddens me to have this great nagging fear,
a need for all flamboyance to disappear.
I know deep within God created this part,
from the very beginning, the first beat of my heart.

I listened too much to what others had to say,
instead of accepting it was God who created me this way.
He created me just for His purpose alone,
yet the me that I am, I feel the need to disown.

So if I seem a little uptight to you,
it may be that I feel foolish about the things I say and do.
I’ve tried all my life to be the me who I am,
its so scary for me though, please be patient if you can.

Written by Rebecca Rawson
Copyright © 2000
Edited 2018

Written during one of many difficult times in my life … I think the loneliness that comes from a sense of inadequacy and misfittedness is something that everyone has experienced in one way or another throughout their lives, in many ways during many times.

Often we view the vulnerability that comes with expressing those feelings of self-doubt, misfittedness and the quirks that make us uniquely ourselves as weaknesses and shortcomings.

But I wonder, if we were all a tad more honest in our times of loneliness and embraced the eccentricities that set us apart … Would we live in a world that is more open to accepting those eccentricities as precious gifts to be encouraged and nurtured, giving way to a sense of being acceptably unique? Or, would the loneliness that it is so prevalent in life remain.

Categories:Creative Writing

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